Voice of Truth

I know I've been quiet. It's been over a month since I last posted. I suppose I've been waiting to write again until I had something substantial to report. That, and my mind and heart have been full, and sometimes it's hard for me to find words when I feel this way.

Tomorrow is Lucy's birthday and the day after that is Jesus's birthday, and I've been all wrapped up in the significance of what these days are for me. Both are a celebration of life, light, and hope. Lately, Chris and I are finding ourselves in a place where we are seeking more life, more hope.

This morning I went out to do the last bit of shopping in preparation for these two big events. One of the stops I made was to the post office, to mail off our official adoption application. The application is addressed to All God's Children International, and inside, the boxes "boy," "China," and "special needs" are checked.

The past few weeks have been filled with a lot of asking, listening, stillness, reflection, and soul-searching, and our hearts and minds are ready to start this journey. I have a lot of fear and doubt that I have what it takes to do this, and I continually find myself faced with a choice: give into the fear, or push through it.

A few weeks ago I was browsing through Don Miller's book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. He writes,

"The most often repeated commandment in the Bible is 'Do not fear.' It's in there over two hundred times. That means a couple of things, if you think about it. It means we are going to be afraid, and it means we shouldn't let fear boss us around...fear isn't only a guide to keep us safe; it's also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life."

Over the past few weeks, Fear has woken me up in the middle of the night. It whispers things like "This is too much" and "You can't handle this" and "Imagine how tired this is going to make you" and "Your son might have an attachment disorder that you'll never be able to overcome" and "How are you going to handle this and manage another move across the country in 18 months?" and "Imagine all the ways this might negatively impact your daughters."

Yesterday a song came on the radio. Many of you have probably heard it before. I've heard it before, but in the midst of my cynical belief that all Christian music sucks!, I don't think the lyrics ever penetrated my heart as they did yesterday. "The Voice of Truth," by Casting Crowns, says

"But the voice of truth tells me a different story

The voice of truth says 'Do not be afraid'

The voice of truth says 'This is for My glory'

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth."

So, I'm pushing through the fear and choosing to believe the voice of truth, the One who tells me to follow Him, to trust in Him, to pour out my life for Him so that I might find it. We are SO excited to finally start this journey, after months of research, waiting, asking, and listening.

Here we go!

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and support. I hope to write more over the next week, as there is still so much I want to share!

What do you fear? What do you hope for? What is the voice of truth telling you?