I know I'm probably a little behind the times, but I just discovered who Pioneer Woman is. Apparently, she's been a big deal for a long time and I'm just catching on, thanks to my friend Lory, who served me a delicious PW pizza recipe several weeks ago when I was in San Antonio.
So, since then, I've found PW's website, which includes her personal blog, cooking blog, photography blog, gardening blog, and home-schooling page. I've made a few of her recipes and they are delicious, but the thing that keeps running through my mind after visiting her webpage is SERIOUSLY??? HOW DOES SHE DO IT ALL?
I know it's extremely un-constructive and even damaging to compare ourselves to other people, and I'm guilty as charged of doing so. I just wonder how the PW cooks, blogs, gardens, takes photographs, writes books, goes on book tours, and home-schools four children. Surely, she must have a team of people behind the scenes supporting her blogging empire?
Anyhow, perhaps this all resonates with me because I'm personally at a place where I've had to recognize my own limitations. I just dropped the class I was supposed to start today because it was all feeling like too much. I also had an hour-long phone session with our China case manager, who outlined what will be involved in compiling our massive dossier packet within the next six months, as well as the thick workbook and online education Chris and I need to finish as soon as possible. I realized I don't have enough space inside of me to continue to immerse myself so deeply in the stories I'm writing, while still being present for my family, friends, and the rest of life...as well as this adoption process. The past few months have stretched me and challenged me, but now I feel like I need to deflate again...otherwise I'll pop. I can do it in 8-week stretches, but then I feel I must pull back and regroup a bit.
For me, it seems that the life of a woman and a mother is a constant yo-yo between expanding and retracting...of giving and receiving...of pouring out and then resting. Over the past few weeks, I heard myself say "something's gotta give" multiple times, which was a sign that it was time to retract for a bit.
In my life, I need space to just BE. I can't live the kind of existence that demands I be somewhere or with someone or doing something every second of the day. I don't want every minute of my life to be accounted for.
Most days, it's all I can do to take care of my two girls, cook a healthy meal for my family, keep the house in a somewhat respectable state, stay on top of our adoption paperwork, keep up with phone calls and correspondence, and still have some downtime to be alone with my thoughts and with God.
Clearly, I am not a pioneer woman. And I'm okay with that.
Oh but I believe you are a pioneer woman in your own way, Lib! Maybe not THE Pioneer Woman but you definitely are covering some uncharted territory!
ReplyDeleteI love that you recognize what you need. Too often, I find that we just go and go and go and look back down the road and wished we had lived differently instead of living and feeling in the moment what we need...so rest and know that you are BEING a great wife, mom, friend, and daughter!
Love you.
People like PW make me kind of sick and I struggle with major contempt issues for women that seem to have it all together and can do everything with a measure of fabulousness. It sends me to shame every time. And did you know she was on the Food Network over the holidays? She challenged Bobby Flay to a Thanksgiving showdown. And beat him.
ReplyDeleteI liked the picture of the yo-yo and the expanding and retracting, resting and pouring - that feels very true. I'm glad you are taking what you need so that you can continue to love yourself and others well.
So get the need to be quiet, to have quiet, to be alone, to think. I need this to feel peace and to reconnect with myself and with God.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know what you mean, I have many friends who appear to be able to go 90 miles an hour every day of their life and it be totally normal and not effect their physical or emotional health. And sometimes I think I can be a PW, but then I am quickly reminded that God did not make me that way and it's ok, like you said.
You are as B put it a PW but in a different way. You are a courageous woman to be making the journey you are on.
And on another note, next time, you and Chris are over, we will have something else besides pizza. You must think that is all I ever cook or all we eat! Ha!
I found myself saying to my sister the other day, "I am struggling with who I want to be, homeschooling perfect Mom, and who I actually am...not very patient Mom who wants her kids out of the house." Not to say I won't be that other Mom one day but I am coming to grips with who I am today. I always have a guilt flood when I read blogs like hers, though I shouldn't. God has given each of us different tasks and we should just work on what we have been given and not worry about all the other things out there we could be or think we should be doing.
ReplyDeleteI. Do. Not. Get. HER! The curse of living in the internet age is that moms all over the world now have visuals to accompany their gnawing suspicion that "everyone else" is doing it better...You KNOW there are serious chunks of her life that are suffering unless she is also someone who can provide zen-like balance and presence to herself and her children and marriage...I see you, Lib as a pioneer of simplicity in a world that tries to convince you clutter is better...!
ReplyDeleteSeriously. Nuff said, girl.
ReplyDeleteMe and you BOTH, Lib. "Most days, it's all I can do to take care of my (kids), cook a healthy meal for my family (is Mac & Cheese healthy enough?), keep the house in a somewhat respectable state (I am actually big- TOO big on cleanliness and godliness being twins; it's a problem), stay on top of our adoption paperwork, keep up with phone calls and correspondence (TELL ME about it!), and still have some downtime to be alone with my thoughts and with God. (Plus school. But that's really fun and includes lots of reading aloud in comfy den chairs most days."
ReplyDeleteMe and you BOTH.